I find it interesting that my lion chose to write me a short story about the transfer of a long distance and essentially v/t relationship to a 24/7 r/t relationship. In the three days prior to him writing that, I had discussions with two different people about that very topic, neither of which dicussions I shared with him.
Both of those discussions centred around the issues that can arise whenever someone takes a relationship from the virtual safety of the internet, to the uncertainty of real life. I know there are a lot of people out there who successfuly navigate their way into a strong, committed real life D/s relationship, having started out online. There are also a lot more who fail utterly. So why do some succeed and some fail? And where will lion and I stand in the statistics, once all is said and done?
I suppose, looking at it from a neutral point of view, any relationship, vanilla or otherwise, that starts out online and then moves to real life, faces some pretty unique challenges as compared to the 'traditional' methods of starting a relationship. Online relationships are theoretical. We get to know the other person's mind and heart before we ever learn about their physical quirks and flaws. Which can be absolutely wonderful. After all, if the emphasis is on WHO the person is rather than on what they LOOK like, it opens up whole new realms of possible mates. And it is so much easier for a shy person to be themselves online, than in person. It's all part of the fantasy of the internet.
And that's the problem that I can see. An online relationship is, at least partially, a fantasy. Take any fantasy book or movie and shine the cold hard light of reality on them, and they're just children's dreams. Not really an image you want to contemplate applying to your relationship. But if both parties know and accept that there are going to be some serious adjustments and compromises that will need to be made, and both parties are willing to make those adjustments and compromises, I don't see why any v/t relationship transfering to r/t should have any less chance of success than two people who have been together r/t for a while, and have decided to move in together. After all, if one of his bad habits is leaving his stinky socks in the middle of the living room, does it really matter if the reason you didn't discover that bad habit was because he lived thousands of miles away instead of a couple of blocks away?
Ok, so now that both parties have accepted the fact that they're going to have to do some adjusting and compromising in order for their relationship to continue to work on a 24/7 basis, what's next? Well, for me, I have a family. My daughter needs to be considered. My extended family and friends need to be considered as well. The environment that someone is coming into will dictate how these things are handled. There will be no naked sub waiting to greet me each day when I come home from work, for example, regardless of whether or not both of us really wanted that. Hmmm...Obviously a few things need to be negotiated beforehand.
Logic becomes my friend at this point. Logically, what are the boundaries that will need to be put in place in order to maintain the D/s relationship, yet still keep everyone who needs to be blissfully unaware of the relationship, blissful? Will he still call her Mistress, regardless of the situation, or will he use some other honourific that's less obvious? Will he hold her hand in public, like the sappy mushy romantic he is, or will he respectfully walk a pace behind her, to the left to show his submission in a subtle way that 99% of the viewing public won't even notice? It might take time and patience to find the things that will work, but anticipating and discussing some of these things ahead of time, should even out a few of the bumps.
There is so much more to consider and think about.
- Where will he sleep? Will he sleep in her room, either in her bed or in a separate cot, right from the start? Or will he have his own sleeping area or room, only to be invited into her room when she decides she wants him there?
- Will he work, or will he stay home and keep the house? Or will there be some sort of compromise between work and the home? And if he does work, how many hours (or how much money) is he expected to earn? Will all of his earnings be contributed to the household, or will he keep a portion for himself? Or perhaps he'll be given an allowance instead?
- What will she call him? How will she introduce him to her friends, neighbours, and colleagues?
The list of questions to be asked seems endless.
I can come up with a list of chores that I'd like him to perform for me so easily. But there's a lot more to having a sub in my home 24/7 than just giving him chores to do. There are a lot of questions that need to be considered. A lot of things that need to be discussed. It will take a lot of work. But the rewards... Seeing that look in his eyes when, with a touch, I tease and arouse him. Seeing that smile and being able to watch him turn to mush when I remind him that he's mine, and only mine. Being able to actually hold him in my arms, to touch him, to taste him... Oh yes... The rewards are so worth the effort required.
And just a side note. I would never leave him standing in the cold, waiting and wondering if I was coming to pick him up. LOL