Chasity, Cuckolding, and no sex?

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Was looking on Fetlife this morning to see if there was any response to a post I replied to last night and was completely stupified by a response that was posted, the only other response that had been posted, the only response that has been posted as of yet.

...I could see some of the guys who get carried away hurting their relationship... I know it would be detrimental to be locked up much more than a week... We both love sex and we dont beleive in Cuckholding... we feel that would hurt our relationship. There are many who go full years with out sleeping with their wives. Thats not for me. I feel that if implimented correctly it will do only great things. Some slaves focus more on the chastity than their key holder. they say i want to be locked for ever, they are saying they dont want to have sex and that could hurt a monogamous relationship or any relationship for that matter.

Main thing I could think of reading this, was what the fuck is this guy talking about?  I think he has some rather limited ideas that either come from ignorance or..well I don't really know what?  Pretty sure he doesn't really know a whole lot about chastity, and probably not cuckolding or why some people may just have a general lack of sex compared to others.

The reply came from a post I saw in the male Chastity and Orgasm tease and denial group on Fetlife, titled "Has chastity damaged your marriage?"  The poster seemed to be looking for what could go wrong with chastity.  Its the wrong question to be asking really, but I'll try to get that.

The original poster said

I'm just wondering if there are any horror stories of how chastity has been damaging to a relationship, and if so any recommendations on how to avoid those problems.

And my reply was

Just looking through some post looking for something else, but was curious so I clicked. I'm not exactly currently in chastity but Mistress and I have been looking at devices for me and trying to decide on one.

Only way I can see the chastity being harmful to a relationship is if the chastity is a must for one of the people and a turn off for the other person.

If its is a absolute must for one the people involved then it should be communicated previously, preferably before marriage even happened, and tried before getting married as well.

But the main thing I just communicate honestly and openly about each others expectations as to the chastity and all should be fine. Always have open communication going on how each other is feeling.

Also remember just cause one person is in chastity, doesn't mean the other person can't be intimate, I mean thats part of the fun right? someone in chastity being teased to hell and un-able to get hard or do a damn thing about it? Who can be used to please their partner with no hope of release themselves?

Honesty and open communication is really the best way, and something that has to happen throughout a relationship that includes chastity, or even if it doesn't.  With chastity though you need to make sure that both of you are communicating about how everything is going and how you are feeling, and just cause your relationship includes chastity, does not mean that it necessarily has to always.  Sometimes it may be needed to take a break and focus on each other.

The person that replied after me brought up cuckolding, and lack of sex as potential problems with chastity, and far as I'm concerned these are very different issues then the chastity itself.

Lets start with cuckolding to start with.  Cuckolding for those of you who are not aware of the term is a word means, "The normal definition of a cuckold is a married man whose wife cheats on him with or without his knowledge (it is usually with the male's knowledge and sometimes consent, to be a true 'fetish'). A cuckold fetishist is aware of his partner's activity and derives sexual pleasure from it." according to part of the wikipedia on it and my best understanding of it, so we will go with that.

Regardless to the length of chastity, weeks, months, years, that your partner should have to go out and find sex elsewhere, is just plain silly.  Just cause they might be in chastity for some time, doesn't mean that there is no sex to be had for their partner with them.  Get a strap-on, let your partner ride the device if its possible for them to obtain climax that way and they enjoy it.

I like some of the stories I've read over at Unspeakable Axe on chastity, and describing some hot love making sessions  while in chastity.  They are very very hot and I really wish I could read more of them.  If anyone knows of some other good places with stories like those, please tell me..please? puppy dog eyes?

The lack of sex thing could take far more to try and talk about so I'm going to try and be as quick and to the point as I can about it.  Sometimes in people's forties their libido takes a nose dive.  It is pretty normal, and doesn't always mean the end of sex.   And again, just cause someone is in chastity doesn't mean that there partner isn't getting any sex from them either.

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Why I like the idea of chastity

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Thought perhaps I should write something about what intrigues me about male chastity and why I would want to be in a chastity cage, and controlled in this manner. Been thinking about writing this for a awhile, but was not really sure where I should start.

Guess the easiest place for me to start is with what first, turned me onto the idea of how hot male chastity could be. I was doing some searching, looking for blogs by male submissive writers, something that is apparently rather hard to do. I would come across a large number of sites from a female submissive point of view and skip right past it. Perhaps not the most conductive thing to my search to find myself as a submissive, and perhaps I should try searching again sometime for just general submissive blogs.

Anyways one of the blogs I found at first was by someone who doesn't claim to be submissive and if he is or not, is not really something I feel privy to discuss as I'm not always certain what submission really is. but the blog was titled, "The Edge of Vanilla." was a interesting title and guess what grabbed my attention to click the link and take a look at what it was about.  I was glancing over some of the post and found one that I started read I was amazed at how hot I was finding it.  I'm not really certain, it could have been this post, "Coming Together: 2" or another. but one thing was sure, I was aroused.

“Mmmm. You know how long it’s going to be this time?”

“However long you decide,” I answered.

She closed her eyes again. “That’s right. You know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in charge,” she said simply.

“I want you to be in charge,” I whispered into her ear. “I want you to let it go as long as you want. Maybe we’ll take this out for a whole year.”

“Oooh… Jesus…”

I lifted myself up higher to watch her face while she came.

She was smiling.

Afterward, I removed the dil… er, her cock, and held her.

“Driving all the way here, I was thinking that I needed to have a talk with you about this,” I told her. “I’ve been hoping that we could change what we’ve been doing, but, wow, I didn’t expect this.”

“How are you feeling about it?” she asked.

“Exhilarated. Like, it’s really exciting, but I’m a little scared, too, at what you might actually do.” I kissed her. “We’re going to need to talk about this later.”

She nodded. “We’ll have plenty of time later,” she said. “Are you horny, yet?”

“I’m not really sure. I’m excited and aroused, but I’m oddly satisfied. Thank you, this was really good for me.”

I was surprised I was being aroused by it, but more so by the idea that I might actually want to be in a chastity cage, or just plain denied release.  It was hot the idea of giving up control over when and if I came to someone.

What I like about is she gets to decide when I cum, how I cum, and could possibly, where I cum.  If she text-ed me and told me she wanted me to cum on my next lunch, I'm pretty sure I would go right to the bathroom and cum for Her, though that would be a bit embarrassing and would have to worry about people ease dropping.  I don't want a set sort of schedule for it either, I just want her to decide ok, tonight I am going to take you, fuck you and let you cum, or maybe just fuck me then say..no..no..hold back, you are not allowed tonight.

The combination of typing this and talking to Cridhe right now is a bit much as well, getting hard just thinking about this, and wanting release so bad, but not being giving permission.  Is such sweet torment.

At some point I should be getting the CB The Curve chastity device, and I so can't wait to be strapped into it.  Should be interesting, though wondering how I will handle Mistress' torment while being caged when I won't even be allowed to get hard..and is almost counterintuitive that I get hard from the idea of being caged where I won't be able to get hard.

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Sex Ed

I had the 'pleasure' of observing a scene the other day, between a Domme, a female sub, and a male sub in one of the BDSM chatrooms that I visit. Please note that whenever I refer to anyone online as Dom/me or sub, I use the terms loosely. Sometimes VERY loosely.

The Domme was directing the two subs in their interactions. It wasn't the worst scene I've ever observed, but it wasn't the best either. And then something occurred that made me go WTF?? and start giggling. The Domme directed the female sub to arouse the male sub and make sure he was good and hard...and then to put a cock cage (chastity device) on him. And EVERYONE PROCEEDED AS IF THIS WAS NOT ONLY NORMAL...BUT POSSIBLE!!

I had to bite my tongue not to say anything. I mentioned the incident to my lion, and we had a good giggle over it. Especially considering his own chastity device should be arriving in the mail in the not too distant future. The whole concept of enforced chastity is something we both find interesting and we've been doing a bit of information gathering online. I'll let you know how our own experiments with it go.

But obviously these three individuals had no idea how a chastity device really works, or at least that the general point of a chastity device is to prevent him from being able to achieve full erection. They are generally designed to only go on while he's flacid. And the thought made me pause. Here were three people who had no idea how to really use the 'toys' they're using online; there must obviously be a lot more that I haven't run into personally. And then I cringed, thinking of how many of those people got all excited about something they did online, ran out to the store to buy it to try it at home in person, and were completely disappointed, perhaps to never consider trying again.

Sex education is a vital part of most school programs. We teach our children about the dangers of STDs, about safe sex, about how the body works and how pregnancy works. Maybe we need to start a sex ed class for adults...on how to use the many delightful toys out there, and how to truly enjoy them.

I'm thinking registration for a fall session could begin now. Small class sizes, to reduce the blushing. Weekly classes for 12 weeks perhaps. Anyone interested? LOL

First Post, New Blog

This will be my first post on my newer blog. I decided to start one just to talk about my thoughts on sexuality, but doubt i'll still get around to posting to it regularly. Suppose I should try and set up one of my days off as blog day and just write something at the very least.

But for now, lets just get to know me shall we? We being a bit silly seeming as no one knows about the blog or like the other won't really stay around, but here goes.

I'm Joseph, and 30 years old, living in New Hampshire, USA. My life has been well, described as being rather deprived by some people I talk to now and then. I've only had a total of three sexual partners in my life, none of which where all that long lasting, though the last one was longer then most. Though that's only if you count physical intercourse as being a sexual partner. If you count people I've engaged cyber sex or phone sex with, then the number grows a fair bit.

I'm currently involved in a long distance relationship with someone I've met from a online chat site I go to semi-frequently, poolside chat, Cridhe, who is my Mistress/lover/friend// well ya get the idea.

Some time ago I was introduced to BDSM, and specifically D/s style relationships. Since then I started to wonder a number of things.

One is am I submissive? I don't believe that its a easy question to answer as what makes someone submissive seems to vary from person to person, but for the most part I do view myself as submissive, or least more submissive then not.

Second started to raise itself as I started to broadening my ideas of what I personally wanted sexually. I started to explore myself anally to try and see if this was really something I couldn't enjoy. I think if I'm honest with myself the exploration of my anus started a bit sooner then actually talking to someone about a woman using a strap-on on a man, but thats what sorta brought it more to the forefront. I had been using my fingers now and then before this.

After deciding to explore myself more anally I purchased two things. A dildo, and a plug. At first the plug was the cats meow. The first time I used the plug was quite the experience, specially once I turned on the the little mini bullet. Word to the wise..use a bit of lube to put the bullet in if you want to be able to retrieve it later...

The dildo on the other hand, I wasn't quite sure I liked and wasn't able to really insert it all the way to begin with. After playing with it a bit more, I've found its not really that bad, and I can insert it all the way now. It feels good, not as good as the plug for solo play, but I don't mind using it.

I got a little side tracked, the second question was exploring myself anally i started to wonder, could I be with another man? For the most part I've decided the answer is no. I just don't find men attractive and find the idea of being penetrated by a woman with a strap-on much more of a turn on then the thought of a man doing so. I could try it if I was single at some time if I found someone that would be comfortable with maybe, but don't really see it happening.

The last thing that started to happen after reading blogs like Unspeakable Axe and The Edge of Vanilla, is the idea of chastity or the very least the idea of orgasm denial started to become a bit of a prime fantasy, both in the being tortured and the final release from that torture.

I've also just been interested in sexuality in general from the LGTB community, to BDSM related topics, and so on. I like finding people who are willing to share sexual information freely and openly in ways that would help others.

For awhile i had anther blog, but couldn't quite figure out what to do with it, but started to think more about just posted sexuality related topics and perhaps a bit about my relationship with Cridhe as things go on.  Hopefully Cridhe will be a inspiration to great number of posts here, and maybe will have some posts from Her here as well.

Hope if anyone stops by will read, comment, and possibly even contact me to either give me ideas on new post, or just to talk about whatever.