I am antisocial

Seems like more and more I just want to avoid dealing with people.  I feel like I've always had a problem getting close to anyone.

Not that I do not want to be close to someone, I would like to find a girlfriend / Mistress.  But when it comes down to it I rather spend most my time alone in my room playing with my computer.  If it wasn't for needing money to pay rent, I wouldn't even want to go to work.

My roommate asked me recently if I was angry with him, I just wanted to be left alone.  I had the day off and by the time him and his wife had got home I was tired and was about to go lay down when he had informed me that there was some food if I wanted but just went to my room and went to bed.

I feel conflicted at times between wanting an human connection and wanting to shy away from it.  I can interact with people at work or if someone wants to talk to me on subjects I don't mind talking about, but when it comes to me being the one to start the conversation, specially with someone I don't know I usually rather avoid it.

My Days off I always spend alone despite not necessarily wanting to be alone.  I often wonder what it would be like if I actually had friends that wanted to hang out with me at my home or invite me over.  I haven't been over to a "friends" house since High School, and even then outside of a few common interest where we ever friends?  I haven't heard from any of them since I left high school.  Aside from one that is but then that is cause he works where I do now.

Maybe it is just the people I'm around here now.  I haven't really met anyone I had much interest in.  Well there is a woman at work that I wouldn't mind getting to know better, but she's in a relationship and my interest in her is not of friendship.

I sometimes think I should just be fine on my own but at the same time I'm 33 years old.  I would like to have a relationship.  To feel at least once one it's like to be with someone for years and not just wish to spend once more the few times I had sexual contact with a woman.

How does someone going about finding a partner in the real world when it's far easier for them to talk to people online and not face to face, and even then its not that easy.


Quitting Smoking is Difficult

I keep saying to myself now and then, "I'm going to quit smoking,"  I got two days off, I'm just not going to smoke and I can't use the excuse that work stressed me out.  Well I get to those two days off and what do I do..I go to the store and buy more smokes....I'm so damn weak!


Been Awhile

Been meaning to write something to this blog for awhile now but just haven't really felt as compelled to do so. Cridhe released me sometime ago and since I haven't really been a submissive to anyone, I just sorta let the blog go for awhile. I mean what interest could anyone take in someone who feels so incomplete without their Mistress?

I'm sure me and Cridhe would at least still be on friendly talking terms if I had made more effort into keeping the lines of communication between her and me open, but I kept to myself for some time now since I knew about the only thing I really wanted to say to her was take me back, and make me yours again, I need you.


Haven't Posted in awhile

I haven't really posted here in awhile, and not sure when I will get around to posting something more lengthy then this.  I haven't really felt like posting much, as I'm no longer Cridhe's.  I do want to continue to work on posting things here, and at some point I will actually make myself take time to do so.


Prop 8 Ruled Unconstitutional

LOS ANGELES, CA - MAY 26:  Robin Tyler (L) and...Image by Getty Images via @daylife
It is with great pleasure, that in recent news I heard in the previous days, that I can say that the idiocy of Prop 8 has been overturned, well at least for now, until it reaches the US Supreme court, we have yet to see how it will ultimately hold out, but at the very least it is a step in the right direction.   Was wondering if this really horrible decision that was passed a ways back was going to stand.  While I have no personal reason to be opposed to the idiocy that allows the ban on gay marriage to happen in California, I'm neither gay, or a resident of California I am very much against ignorance.

Feel obligated since I watched it again to share, one mans words about the ban, that I just could not have said better myself if I had tried.

We have now come from this moment, some time back to a point where, while it may not have an immediate effect on gays and lesbians can marry in California again.  Perhaps the decision will at least help move us forward towards a world where people are treated as truly equals.

In a landmark decision today, a federal judge ruled that Proposition 8, the California ballot initiative that excluded same-sex couples from marriage in the state, violates the United States Constitution. The American Civil Liberties Union, the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) and Lambda Legal filed two friend-of-the-court briefs in the case supporting the argument that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional. -ACLU page on Perry v. Schwartzenegger

I always found it strange how some people react to gay marriage, as if two guys being married has any impact on them.  I never hear anyone going to their strait friends, Oh how could you do that, why would you two get married? do you have any idea how your marriage is going to impact my life?  Two strait people being married next to me isn't going to have any impact on me, so why would two men, two women, etc going to effect me? Other then maybe feel a little more bad if I'm having fantasies about a woman in a marriage.

And just to toss in another related video, cause I love the daily show.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorTea Party


Web Design Giving me a Headache

Been messing around a bit with some web design things, trying to figure out a way to make have a clip of a article on a page, that will zoom out so you can read the whole thing without really leaving the page.  But its not really working.  Think should just go with something more basic anyways cause would have to have it work a bit differently in Internet Explorer anyways.

Above is a screenshot of the way the page I've been messing with currently looks in Google Chrome, Safari, and Internet Explorer.

A Poem for our Five Month Anniversary

Sitting looking out at the clear evening sky,
My mind wonders with thought of you,
What have you thought about me today,
Am I on your mind as much as your on mine?
Our fifth month is approaching since you made me yours,
My life just has not been the same since that day.
I feel unworthy  though I know you would tell me I was,
You have completed me in ways that I am sure I have yet to fathom.
Where will you have taking me in one years time?
All I know is this journey we have set out on,
To a place filled with love so unfathomable to me,
That I scarcely dared to dream it possible.
One day I shall no longer yearn for your touch,
Without it being filled,
Or simply yearning for the sound of your voice,
I can not wait for the morning I wake up and you are there,
And I realize that this all was not just a dream.