Talking with Mistress in chat last night I was reminded of my last homework assignment which perplexed me as I had thought I had done that. Least to the point that I was able to come up with when I sat down to do it that day. She wanted more personal detail however, and think thats sorta why I left it somewhat vague though, is I don't know those details so much yet.
Submission has always been a interesting concept to me, but what exactly is it that a submissive does, what they are, what do they want? What is that I truly want for that matter?
The first and foremost thing I want is simply to be in a long time loving relationship with a woman, and hopefully that woman is Cridhe, who is confident, smarter, whole loves to cuddle, and thunderstorms. I'm glad Cridhe is also more well versed then I am when it comes to BDSM, and in time our relationship will grow to include more and more of the D/s dynamic.
But I'm still sorta lost when it comes to submission, I have a general want to be controlled sexually, but I know submission doesn't just have to end at the bedroom door. Outside the bedroom the only things I can really think of that I do want is to be cared for and to have some better direction in my life, to feel less like I am always just stuck in a place where I am not all that happy.
Some things I may want to explore a bit is being flogged at some point, having a flogger used on me in various ways, and possibly being paddled. Remember reading a post where some one described being paddled and then being held and soothed after it, and for them the paddling part wasn't the part they really liked, but the being held while they cried and where soothed in the arms of their Dom. I could sorta see myself in that scenario possibly as being punished.
I could see myself probably blushing and embarrassed, walking behind my Mistress on a leash at some kink event, dressed in very little if anything at all, and though embarrassed enjoying just being led around like that.
I could possibly see myself doing some chores around the house in nothing but a frilly apron.
I don't know what the future will hold for me Cridhe, and how much D/s will be a aspect of that life, but I know I love her very much, and want to see where our life leads us.