Been saying I want to quite smoking now for awhile, but I keep ended up giving in and buying more anyways. Really could use the extra money that I spend on them right now. Aslo there is the fact that Cridhe is allergic to them, and wouldn’t want her to not to be able to get close to me when we are together in real life.
Dad’s been paving in Mass, and I’ve been sorta by myself, trying my best to provide my own meals and such.
Keep tapping in tt my savings for food and to buy more smokes though. I really need to quite doing that. Specially if I want to have more money this fall, for when i meet with Cridhe. Feel horrible that I do not have the willpower to just quit.
Evening while I was sitting at work writing this, the pack that I had bought on my way to work was nearly two thirds gone.
I also had a assignment from my Mistress, that she had gave me when we where chatting together and for some reason I referred to her as Love towards the end of the night when we where getting ready to call it a night and what prompted the Assignment I was giving.
Though I suspect it was partly do to the disconnect between how i was talking to her on Yahoo and talking in the chat room. On Yahoo, I called her hon amount other things and in the room i was suppose to say Mistress, I thought Mistress, I didn’t type Mistress.
I felt a bit worst that I slipped being that it was our three month anniversary, but will just have to do better in the future, and try to call her Mistress more as that is what she is to me.
We had also talked about some new training that she has planned for me. I was sorta expecting what she would have to say to be longer, and perhaps more involved, but then I don’t really know what I was expecting really.
I was sent three postures to become familiar with. I was already somewhat familiar with the two kneeling ones from when I was BLA sub for a short while. Though I hadn’t really tired those in person, in real life, but I did a bit this morning, and well, they are a bit uncomfortable.
Specifically I tried the kneeling with my thighs parted, my hands face up on my thighs, back strait and didn’t bother with the down cast eyes as I know Mistress would prefer I look at Her.
I’ve also sorta been jealous, not horrible, but I know its there of the other submissive males that she has been talking to, and working with on different things, not so much cause she’s been talking to them, but cause of my situation with Her, I’m lucky to get a bit of alone time, and has been awhile since I heard her voice. But I know I have truly nothing to fear, as I’m reminded this in ways almost daily without it really needing to be said. I have giving my trust to Her, that she would not do something to harm me in any way.
My real life has been hectic right now and that makes it hard to spend the time with my Mistress that I crave to spend with her, its frustrating to be able to spend as much time with her as I want to be spending.
I don’t know if I’m walking home or if I’ll have a ride, most days I know I’m walking to work at least. Guess least knowing that much is good, and that I’ll have a ride home on Thursday's, thanks to J.
I may be moving closer to where I work now, I may not, I may be moving to another state I may not, I just wish i knew for sure where I was going. Course ultimately the only place I want to be is with Cridhe.
Dad’s been paving in Mass, and I’ve been sorta by myself, trying my best to provide my own meals and such.
Keep tapping in tt my savings for food and to buy more smokes though. I really need to quite doing that. Specially if I want to have more money this fall, for when i meet with Cridhe. Feel horrible that I do not have the willpower to just quit.
Evening while I was sitting at work writing this, the pack that I had bought on my way to work was nearly two thirds gone.
I also had a assignment from my Mistress, that she had gave me when we where chatting together and for some reason I referred to her as Love towards the end of the night when we where getting ready to call it a night and what prompted the Assignment I was giving.
Though I suspect it was partly do to the disconnect between how i was talking to her on Yahoo and talking in the chat room. On Yahoo, I called her hon amount other things and in the room i was suppose to say Mistress, I thought Mistress, I didn’t type Mistress.
I felt a bit worst that I slipped being that it was our three month anniversary, but will just have to do better in the future, and try to call her Mistress more as that is what she is to me.
We had also talked about some new training that she has planned for me. I was sorta expecting what she would have to say to be longer, and perhaps more involved, but then I don’t really know what I was expecting really.
I was sent three postures to become familiar with. I was already somewhat familiar with the two kneeling ones from when I was BLA sub for a short while. Though I hadn’t really tired those in person, in real life, but I did a bit this morning, and well, they are a bit uncomfortable.
Specifically I tried the kneeling with my thighs parted, my hands face up on my thighs, back strait and didn’t bother with the down cast eyes as I know Mistress would prefer I look at Her.
I’ve also sorta been jealous, not horrible, but I know its there of the other submissive males that she has been talking to, and working with on different things, not so much cause she’s been talking to them, but cause of my situation with Her, I’m lucky to get a bit of alone time, and has been awhile since I heard her voice. But I know I have truly nothing to fear, as I’m reminded this in ways almost daily without it really needing to be said. I have giving my trust to Her, that she would not do something to harm me in any way.
My real life has been hectic right now and that makes it hard to spend the time with my Mistress that I crave to spend with her, its frustrating to be able to spend as much time with her as I want to be spending.
I don’t know if I’m walking home or if I’ll have a ride, most days I know I’m walking to work at least. Guess least knowing that much is good, and that I’ll have a ride home on Thursday's, thanks to J.
I may be moving closer to where I work now, I may not, I may be moving to another state I may not, I just wish i knew for sure where I was going. Course ultimately the only place I want to be is with Cridhe.